I Miss My Son

I haven't been myself lately and I couldn't put my finger on exactly why.  Really, it could have been work, Lord knows I have my hands full with that, it could be the lost pregnancy, nah, didn't feel the same way. I did begin to think about how I feel like I have neglected my son a bit. That is the first tour, I was sending packages left and right, I was extremely active in the Blue Star Mothers  and I couldn't wait for that next phone call from him. This time, I have given items to my roommate so he could send them out.  In fact, he's been sending so much stuff out, you'd think it was his son. 

Side note: it's not my roommates kid.  I didn't know him 23 years ago.

Anyway, I still do look forward to his phone calls, but I'm not on MySpace as much. Then it hit me, I'm avoiding thinking too much about him.  I had other mothers who wanted to keep in touch with me and I wanted to but then I found myself not wanting to only because it would make me face reality that my only son is back in Iraq in harms way.  I didn't and still don't really want to think about it.  I love him dearly and wish he was home safe.  Then it really hit me, I'm really missing my son.  This tour is going to be 15 months long.  I still have many months left before he can come home.  I just miss him so much.  15 months is a long time, especially when he no longer lives in the same state as you do.  I miss his laugh, his sense of humor, his goofiness, and just him.  I have found that my mind will wander to the not so pleasant side of "what ifs" and I try not to think of it.  I miss holding him, giving him hugs and kisses and his face.   I love the fact that his as grown up so much, but miss that I'm not able to watch him.  I only get to visit his web site page and imagine what's going on.  I do enjoy reading some of the posts from his friends.  I feel a little bit closer to him.  Every so often I'll get a friend request from one of his friends.  But all in all, I'm just trying to survive each day without him.

 

Army Mom Out  

Requesting your help

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As for this site, I'll be posting again shortly.

Army Mom Out.

What a day

So I'm at work, trying to get work done with a staff shortage. It's keeping my mind busy so I don't think about where my son is so much so that part is good. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, restless and then I get a phone call at 3:40 a.m. It's my son, he's doing well and wanted to borrow money. He tells me he's going to be taking a tour at a base he's visiting and wanted to buy a new camera to take pictures. I don't do mornings well, and to be awaken makes it that much harder. But we were talking and it's always good to hear from him, cough cough, regardless how early it is. I do enjoy it but I did find myself saying, don't you guys believe in doing stuff at umm 10:00 a.m. at least, does everything have to start so early? lol yep. He seems to be in good spirits and that makes me happy.

The really neat thing, I think, is that I met a lady during the course of my job whose son and daughter-in-law are in the military. The daughter-in-law was going to Iraq and the son elsewhere. After talking with the mother for a while and showing each other our pictures it turned out she lives near me. I had mentioned this to my son and after telling my son her son's name, my son told me they went to Jr. High School together. In fact, they sat next to each other in band. What a small world it is. So I now have a new Military Mom "sister" and we'll keep in touch. It's always nice to meet other military moms.

Oh, the picture, while my son was on leave, he decided to go skydiving for the first time. Apparently he's become an adrenaline junky. We jumped a second time and can't wait to go again. Oh, the joys of motherhood. Before he jumped, I got a call from him telling me he was getting ready to jump out of a plane. A perfectly good plane I might add. It's one thing to do it in the military, which isn't his MOS by the way, it's another thing to do it for sport. Yeah I know, but it's not my cup of tea.

Well I think I'm going to close this for now. I'll do my best to write more often.

Army Mom Out

I've been neglectfull

I've noticed how I've neglected the site and some things in general. What surprises me is my reaction to my son's second deployment. I still pray of course and miss him but I've noticed that I'm trying to stay in a state of ignorant bliss. I have a friend who has been sending care packages for me and soon he'll be offering his services to the public, but I haven't packed many packages myself. I think deep down, but not that deep, I'm scared for my son. In some way I think I'm trying to pretend he's not over there.

He came home on leave a bit ago and when he left, I just cried. I miss him sooo much. This deployment is sooo different for me. I don't know if it's fear or just plain, I miss him. Odd for me, I just haven't stayed on top of things the way I used to. Now, I know some of you may say, well duh, you're depressed, sure there's some of that but this is still different.

Army Mom Out

How Proud Am I

I know it's been a while since I've posted but my feelings haven't changed. In my personal life so much has been going on. I've found out that I was bearing a child and in the same breath I found out that I was losing a child. I have managed to mustered the ability to go on. For I am a military mom, and I am Army Strong as well as my Army Strong Son. I'm so proud of my soldier!! He came back on leave and it was a bitter sweet moment. It's not about the politics, it's about my son. Each time I see him he reminds me how much he's grown up and how much of a man he's become. I love my son and I support our troops. Once again, it's not about the politics it's about the human being that's gone to war. I pray every day that his sanity is spared and his well being and mortality is spared. God bless to those who serve.

Army Mom out.