Round 2

As I have always said, "Once an Army Mom, Always an Army Mom."

2011-05-14T20:36:00.000-07:00

It's a shame that I don't post here as much as before. I enjoyed reading the comments left. Even though my son is out of the service he still keeps in touch with the friendships and brothers-in-arms that he has made. The same for me, I feel a sense of mothering for other servicemen and women that I see. I often think to myself, you're someone's son or daughter and what must your parents be thinking. I had actually considered giving one serviceman money that I saw. Unfortunately, I had none on me. He may have had plenty but it was more of a gesture of my appreciation and thank you for the sacrifice he and his family have made. If nothing else, I can at least say thank you.

I really do want to get back to posting more often but time just keeps getting away from me. I'll try and do better.

Army Mom Vet Out.

Update to the new site

2010-11-08T13:53:00.000-08:00

The easiest address to remember is http://www.karenproudarmymom.com/ and it will redirect you to the correct site but if you wish you can copy and paste the correct address which is http://karenproudarmymom.com/index

I'm doing ok still awaiting to see if my son is going to re-enlist or not. He keeps going back and forth so I wait.

Has it been that long?

2010-09-15T08:47:00.000-07:00

Sorry guys, I didn't realize it had been that long since my last post. I've been fighting with another website, that is my battle with trying to get another website up and running. I'm happy to say I'm finally winning this battle.

The website, well it goes along with my podcast, The Karen Proud Army Mom Show. The website address is: http://www.karenproudarmymom.com/ . I know there are a few military moms that follow this blog, (if they haven't given up already...it has been a while) and if you wouldn't mind doing an interview with me could you drop me a line here and let me know. I'd like to have more interviews than the ramblings of a crazy person (me) the entire time.

So what else is new, my son is still contemplating reenlisting. While there's a part of me thinking, I don't want to go through another deployment, there's another part of me that says, I knew he was going to be a lifer. I guess I'll always worry about him and I just need to suck it up. I have to, because I'm an Army Mom right? We're stronger than that. Or show I say, I'm a Military Mom, we're stronger than that. Because it doesn't really matter what branch it's all the same for a mom. Unless of course it's a healthy competition then all bets are off. lol

Well I have to remember not to neglect this site so much. I'll be back sooner. Thanks for sticking around.
Army Mom Out

Happy New Year!!!!

2010-01-10T16:54:00.000-08:00

So normally I'm not one to do New Year Resolutions but this time, I stepped on the scale on the 2nd and just about had a heart attack. So what did I do? I'm not officially on Nutrisystem. I vowed to follow it like I'm supposed to and hopefully drop 30 - 40 pounds. I've been on NS now for 4 days and so far so good. The first day was hard but I wasn't prepared, forgot about the vegtables and fruit you must add to the plan or else there is just not enough food. How does the food tastes so far? Pretty good, but small portions...but I believe that's the point though. lol Well, wish me luck and I'll keep you updated.

My soldier, well he's doing pretty good as well. At the countdown, I called him on the phone because I was out of town and an hour ahead of him. It was kinda neat, I counted it down and he was able to be there with me (sorta) and then he got to experience his own. Win win for all.

With all the gloom and doom that we keep hearing about, I think I'll just settle on my own little paradise. Your life is what you make of it for better or worse. You just may have to get creative about it. So better attitude for me I guess will be my second resolution. I'll give it a shot.

Til next time,
Army Mom Out

All I can say is WOW!

2009-10-22T08:16:00.000-07:00

I'm kinda stunned and at the same time I have to laugh. Several weeks ago I had a dream that my son was deploying back to war. All the fears and anxieties were all there in my dream. I woke up and thought, thank goodness it was just a dream, he's not going to deploy again. I thought I would mention it to a friend of mine for some sense of documentation just in case but I said nothing else to the others....Well my son called me yesterday to ask my opinion or at least thoughts about him re-enlisting in Active Duty. Wow, what do I say? All I could really muster up was make sure the decision you make you can live with. I just want him to be happy. Of course and then I said, you know you'll probably deploy again. Sigh, I don't really know what to say. The economy is in the tank, he has no job, he's in school but that's no guarantee of getting a job, not anymore. I guess really all I can do is wait and see what he decides to do. He wants to talk to a recruiter before making his final decision, so I will wait...

...and try to remain calm. ohmmmmmm, ohmmmmmmm...

Once an Army Mom always an Army Mom

2009-10-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

I know I brushed on this topic before, but it never ceases to amaze me the bond between a mother and her child and the bond of the military mothers as well.

The soldiers have their fraternal brotherhood, but let me tell you, the military moms have their own and it extends to the other mothers' soldier as well. It's not just about our own kids, it's about everyone else that touches the lives of our children within the military. We all grieve together, and we all rejoice together. Now I thought that now my son is serving in the National Guard and the possibility of him going back to Iraq had dimished greatly and the resemblence to a "normal" life would resume. However, that's not so, that is I still think about the Soldiers still fighting and are about to fight. I still say prayers for them and my heart goes out to the ones who have paid the ultimate sacrifice. I still think about JD's mother who is now a Gold Star Mother.

When I see a soldier, during my everyday life, I think of his mother, of him and all that he has gone through. He may or may not have been through war, but he has still made sacrifices for the sake of our country. It humbles me to think of all they have been through. I think of my life when my son was deployed both times. In fact I had a dream not too long ago about my son. He was redeployed. All the feelings I had back way when came rushing back. It actually shook me up a bit. Now don't get me wrong, I'm truly proud of my son, it was that fear that came back of having a child deployed in harms way. I don't miss that part of his Active Duty.
My heart still goes out to all of the mothers with current Active Duty Soldiers. God bless them all.

However, I know there are a lot of you out there who have not gotten to the stage of their child finishing up his/her contract or for those whose child will be a lifer. For you, how are you doing? How are you coping? If you ever need an ear, please drop me a line. I'm here for you.

Until next time, Army Mom Out

California: Boring would be good

2009-09-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

I just don't know what to say except for boring would be good. I'm already hating the move because well, quite simply it's a lot of work to do on your own, that is no help from a moving company. My knees hurt, back hurts, feet hurts you name it, it hurts. So yesterday rolls around and about 2/3 of our stuff has been moved. Smaller items and the bed are pretty much all that is left. I arranged to have the utility companies and DirecTV to come out and do their do. I'm excited, we're almost done. I'm unpacking boxes now, got all the books back on the bookshelfs, need to unpack the kitchen, but got the bathroom all done, I'm on a roll and loving it. Soon I'll have TV. Yippee DirecTV is here to install the dish and get us rolling. Life is good.

What's that I hear outside? Damn. Mr. Deputy Sheriff, you say I'm in a mandatory evacuation zone now, and I have to grab what I can and flee my house? But, but, but, fine.....So my husband and I grabbed what was irreplaceable and left. Funny what goes through your mind though. I've always wondered why people want to stay when brush fires threaten their homes. I mean really, your life or your home. Ok, the first thing I thought of was, I"m not going to be one of those people who need to be rescued because they didn't leave when they were told. Then I thought, but I just moved all my stuff, we can't possibly take it all out. Grab the tv, grab the photos. No we'll be fine, I'm not leaving. I can't see any flames, we'll be fine, but as soon as we can see the flames, we'll leave. Ok, act like you've got some sense, get your shit and leave. And so we did. I now have a different perspective on why people stick around. I still don't think they should but I understand the thought process better. Even the little things such as books you don't want to leave behind, actually none of your stuff you wish to leave behind. In fact, I chose photos over clothes, so most of my clothes are still in the house. Now we wait and see what happens and say a lot of prayers.

Boring would be good.

So much to do so little time to do it

2009-08-28T19:26:00.000-07:00

Ok, I know I've been sparse on here, but I've been soooo busy. I'm in the process of moving so it's been packing, packing and more packing. Did I mention packing? Then today we took my son's dog to the vet to be spayed. Poor girl, just a drugged dog wanting to just lie on the floor.

Well I have to make this short, got more packing to do. Where did all this stuff come from?

Just not a good day for me

2009-06-26T20:32:00.000-07:00

So I come home and wonder where everyone is. The dogs are locked up in the kitchen, the tv is on in the livingroom but no son in sight. I walk back to the bedroom, the door is shut, I go in no sign of my husband but his tv is on too. I so walk past the dogs and walk outside being careful not to let them out. I assume there's a reason why they can't get out. I see my husband and son kneeling over a box seemingly petting whatever is in the box. I think, did they bring home another pet? Then my son looks up at me and shakes his head. I realized I was wrong. I walk closer to the box to discover my cat, Kismet in the box lying down. She doesn't seem to be moving. They tell me she was hit by a car about 20 minutes before I came home. I pet her as I see no sign of life to her. I cry.

RIP Kismet, you were loved and will be sorely missed.

In Memory...

2009-06-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary when 3 members of my son's unit were killed in action in Iraq. June 4, 2008, Sgt. Shane Duffy, Sgt. Cody Legg and Spc. JD Emard gave there all in Iraq. Never to be forgotten and always thought of as a hero.

I wanted to call Emard's mother but I was busy worrying about my son. I came home and he was drunk, upset and crying. It doesn't seem like it was a year ago when I got that called that told me everything would be different from here on out. My heart dropped when I hear it was a soldier that I had met and spent the weekend with and his family. My son was terribly upset as he was there when the sh*t hit the fan. The stories I have heard just broke my heart and to come to the realization how easily it could have been my son and many more. I thank God for that and try to remember He had a reason and perhaps it was as simple as it was their time.

Looking back I see how this has changed so many people. Even though my son and other are no longer with this unit some of the mothers still keep in touch. This point in time has bonded many people together forever. We may never see or speak to each other again, but will always remain in our thoughts, prayers and memories.

RIP Duffy, Legg and Emard. 1-87th Inf, 10th Mountain Division, Ft. Drum, NY God Bless Them All

Happy Belated Birthday JD (May 17)

2009-05-19T22:29:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday JD and may you rest in peace.

Ever had one of those days when all you want to do is...

2009-05-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

...scream ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
sigh. There's a part of me that wants to just go some place away from everyone for at least 24 hours. No husband (I love you dear, but you're on that list too), no child, no dog, no puppy, no roommate, no nothing. I should also buy a lottery ticket as well. I'm not going into details, but I just feel the need to scream and probably have a good cry and a cigarette. :) Yea I know I know, but I still want one anyway.

HAPPY BELATED MOTHERS' DAY

2009-05-11T22:14:00.000-07:00

Happy Belated Mothers' Day to all. Military Moms are special, we must endure more and be stronger. When our child(ren) enlisted so did we but we carry that enlistment into the world of Military Moms with honor.

Army Mom Out

The Addendum

2009-05-07T21:43:00.000-07:00

My addendum from my last post. I have a question. Many if not all of us can't wait until our child returns home from war, we truly don't want our children in harm's way. So my question is this, and maybe it's only me, then why is it that when our son/daughter returns home and maybe even gets out of the military do we still don our military "stuff". I still have my Army Mom license plate in the window of my car and I can't seem to bring myself to remove my "shrine" of my son and all military stuff from my office. I think this is the true love / hate relationship.

The Love Hate Relationship between Military Moms and the Military

2009-05-06T21:22:00.000-07:00

Where do I start. You're proud of your child joining the Military, but then you hate them because they are taking your baby away and more than likely putting them in harms way. But then you see how much your child matures, and you love (maybe a strong word) the Military for making this change.

Then deployment comes and you hate the Military again. Well maybe that's a bit of a strong word. You agonize for a year or more of your child being in imminent danger and jump and run every time the phone rings. You check your cell phone numerous times a day to make sure it's on and you have cell reception and most importantly you did not miss a call. Of course the one and only phone call that matters. You rehearse in your head how you will exit a meeting in the event your child calls. You're not happy with the Military again for taking your child from home.

You finally receive a call from your child and because the Military doesn't operate in the same time zone as you, no matter where you are located, you hate the Military for having your child call at 2:30 a.m. on a workday. You love the Military for having the facilities to allow your child to call, but hate that everything the Military does seems to be before the rooster has awaken. I do remember asking my son doesn't the Army believe in at least starting after 6 a.m? Really, even that is early, for me at least, but it would be easier to take on a workday than 3 or so in the morning.

You get the call your child is coming home soon on leave and you love the Military again. You see your child you want to hear everything that he/she has gone through, the good, the bad, and the ugly. You take your child back to the airport and you hate the Military again for taking your child.

Now when your child completes his Service Time and his coming home for good, you love the Military yet again. You still read the articles about the Troops and what they are doing and you begin to miss the Military. You remind yourself about all of the sleepless nights you had worrying about your child and scared something bad may happen. You remember how much you hated that feeling and don't necessarily want your child back in that arena, but you love the Military still and all they have done. It's a family and a wonderful family of Military Moms. You miss that. The happy medium is you don't have to have your child in the Military because once a Military Mom, always a Military Mom. You don't have to leave the forums, you don't have to stop going to the meetings, because now you're a Vet Military Mom. Take a deep breath, this is the easiest part.

Now this was kind of the ride I've been on and while I didn't enjoy the deployments, I enjoyed the stories, well the good stories and the pictures. I found it all fascinating. Do I want to go back there, not at all. In some ways, it was an interesting ride.

Army Mom Out

Oops....

2009-05-06T14:29:00.000-07:00

...ok so it's not tomorrow. I had every intention but it just didn't happen. Now the sucky part about having blogs is that I usually run through them quickly. In other words, it's not like an essay that I'm preparing for work or something and I'm checking for every grammatical and spelling error. However, I hate it when I go back and read them and think, sheesh Karen, you can write. Now I know I'm a product of the California School System but it was better back then. lol Oh well, here's my disclaimer, I'm a survivor of ADD, CA School System, Deployments....you can fill in the rest; I'm lucky I got this much out. lol Prime example, today, I'm at lunch and realized I never posted my follow-up blog after stating I would. So I jumped on to get something out there. It seems ok, but tomorrow when I re-read it, I'll find that my brain has once again moved faster than my typing (which isn't too bad) and my eyes aren't catching the errors. Oh well.

I'm running out of time so I think my next post will have to cover what I really intended to cover. The Love/Hate relationship between Military Moms and the Military.

The Sounds of Home

2009-05-01T00:12:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here in bed kinda watching Richard Jeni and giggling. Then I hear loud snores, nope, they're not coming from my husband but the dog. The cat is curled up on my leg and the puppy is in the crate. sigh and best of all, I'm off tomorrow. No work for me but I still need to get up early to let the puppy out. Can't wait til she's completely potty trained. She's still too young to be really good at holding the bladder.

Somedays, a lot of day, I'm exhausted. Work can be a big drain and coming home to two dogs running around enjoying themselves and then the occasional, grab what the puppy has stolen from somewhere. But all in all, life is good. I have no restraining orders in my life, I have a job, and I have people around me that love me.

I read some of these blogs and my heart goes out to the mothers who are dealing with deployment for the first time, or the first time their child goes to basic. Yea I still remember those days well. I remember crying at times from the letters I received from my son. Basic isn't easy, and for him, it wasn't the actual physical work that made it hard. It was more of the melding of different guys, kids, put together in an environment that is scary and some just don't cope well. There are fights, arguments and bonding. It's not all bad but eventually they learn to work together. Remember that mothers out there, you're stronger than you think you are and you will get stronger. I say this out of experience. I was having pre-separation anxiety when my son was 17 1/2 years old knowing he would be moving out of the house soon, or so I kinda hoped. At this point he hadn't decided to join the Army yet. When he did leave, that was hard, my baby was gone. I still have every letter that he ever wrote while in basic because quite frankly, the moment he had access to the internet all written letters stopped. Deployment was no different. That's ok, I still have letters. Hang in there to you ladies that are now going through this. Say a lot of prayers if you're a believer, try it if you're not. It got me through along with tons of pictures. After basic, you'll have the privilege of seeing your child graduate. I wouldn't have missed that for anything.

Well my husband is yawning and giving me that look of, can we go to bed now? lol I'll have to write more tomorrow. Until then, Army Mom Out.
Hooah to you Army Moms
Semper Fi to you Marine Moms
and I"m not sure what to say to Navy Moms but good thoughts your way.

Taking a breather

2009-03-30T20:36:00.000-07:00

I actually miss posting here but I feel a little spread thin. Still trying to play referee to the puppy and the cat and cleaning up after the little destructo. She, the puppy, seems to fancy herself by tormenting the cat, pulling dishes out of the sink and watching them crash and break on the floor or play fighting with the other dog.

Work is interesting in that karma seems to be trying to make things right amongst some. That is, reality is kicking some in the butt.

Trying to keep the peace between my husband and son and crossing my fingers that my son gets a job. I also hope and pray that my son will get the help he needs. I suspect he is having more problems coping than he led us to believe. For example, I asked him to go to bed instead on sleeping on the couch and he responded by saying, I'm trying not to sleep. Hmmmmmm. I think he's having bad dreams of his past experiences. But how do I get him to get help......

Wow....Taking Chance

2009-03-05T08:52:00.000-08:00

On a message board I frequent for Proud Army Moms, the buzz was this movie called "Taking Chance". Some days I'm brilliant and other days well it's amazing I'm a supervisor for an office. Anyway, the Army Moms were talking about this HBO movie and suggested viewing it. It took me a while to find it but I did and watched it. Ok, I teared up through the entire movie, starring Kevin Bacon. I recorded it and debated whether or not to tell my husband. He doesn't always like watching movies such as this. So I come home from work I'm tired and I started talking to my husband about the day's events and I get that look, you are disturbing me watching this show. He then said, you walked in on an emotional part of this movie and I'm trying to be heman like and not cry and you're ruining the moment. So I said "carry on" and turned to see what movie now he's watching, and thinking he was kidding and he's watching the History Channel or something. I turned to the tv and I said, "You're watching Taking Chance? I Tivo'd this, I can't believe you're watching this." His response, "can I finish this movie now?" lmao I got quiet and watched the movie again. He liked the movie but it is heart wrenching, especially since I kept thinking is this what JD, Duffy and Legg went through? I could only hope so. Apparently it is running a few times, so if you get the chance, (no pun intended) watch. However, be prepared, have tissues handy.

No I haven't dropped off the face of the earth

2009-02-06T12:57:00.000-08:00

It's been crazy this past month. Problems at work with employees, re-adjusting to having my son back home. You know, the phone ringing more, shoes on the floor among other assorted items. Next weekend I'm fleeing the house for the weekend. I've been kinda being a hermit of some sort. I want to spend time with my son without crowding him, however, that's not a problem, he's usually out with friends. Every once in a while we get a glimps of him telling us about his military life. Specifically when he lost 3 of his buddies in Iraq. I'm sure he hasn't told us all but the fact he was able to talk to us about makes me happy. I still worry about what's going on in his head, is he alright. He's too much like his mom, tends to stuff things...eventually that "stuff" must come out. All in good time.

Another thing that has changed around the house and probably more responsible for my lack of writing or reading is the new addition to our household. Yes, my son brought the pitter patter of little feet with him. Specifically, 4 pitter patter of little feet, German, and 3 months old. German Shepherd, named Sasha. Hmmmm. While the little dickens is as cute as a button, boy I sure forgot how much work a little un-housetrained puppy was. Because while my son, carried a big gun, could lead a platoon of soldiers into a battle, find his way home when dropped from a plane from a topo map, he can't raise a puppy. The patience, time and in my opinon the desire to do what is needed just ain't there. I figure it's just a matter of time before it become our dog as opposed to his dog. I wonder if this is payback for leaving my dog with my parents and never took him back. Probably.

Sasha, the little furball, is quite cute though. She acts like she is trying to figure out what you are saying. Follows me around, but does have a little evil side. She knows when she is doing something wrong. For instance, she'll grab my shoe, she knows the word no, but if I catch her chewing on my shoe, she'll run....with the shoe in her mouth.....outside....towards the mud. I used to train dogs, never a puppy. I thought I was pretty good, but Sasha being 4 months has the attention span of a 2 year old child, or a knat. Oh well, she's really cute and it's hard to be mad at her. She loves our Yellow Lab and he's happy he has someone to play with. It's amazing how much energy a puppy has, they're like the energizer bunny.

The other reason for not writing so often, I'm stepping up from being a tourist photographer to a hobbyist. I've been online trying to find the best camera for me and my budget. So on the 10th, my new Nikon DSLR camera should be here. No more point n shoots for me. My new camera should be here before we leave for Arizona for a good mini vacation. Tons of pictures will be coming I'm sure. Now I'm no professional but I think I do an ok job when I try. Below is a couple of pictures, I think they would have looked better if I had a better camera for what I was trying to accomplish. Believe me, I'm a believer that the camera is only a tool and only makes up part of the equation of a good shot, the rest comes from the photographer and I still have a lot to learn.

Looking back over the years

2008-12-27T15:18:00.001-08:00

My son has arrived home to stay. Has it been 4 years already? Now that's an odd statement/question, because it's almost rhetorical. I mean I know it's been 4 years and while it seemed longer I still remember things like it occurred yesterday. I remember going to the recruiting station with my son as he signed the paperwork for infantry. I remember talking with his recruiter. I remember his recruiter coming to our home at 2:00 to pick up my one and only son to take him to the other side of the country. I remember looking at my son's eyes as they filled with water and him fighting back the tears as was I. I remember feeling helpless as I closed the door as the recruiter and my son drove away. I remember the letters my son wrote to me in basic and sometimes I laughed and sometimes I cried. I remember feeling helpless again. I remember when he called me that he was going to graduate but hung up the phone so he wouldn't get caught on the phone. Not sure who's phone it was but it wasn't his. I remember graduation like it was yesterday. I remember when we got the phone call saying he was going to war. I remember saying goodbye to him at the airport before deploying and the tears we cried together. I remember his heart wrenching comment, "mom, it's funny, we may never see each other again". I remember getting the phone call letting me know he was in Kuwait and then again in Iraq. I remember getting the call in the grocery store saying my soldier was back on US Soil Stateside. I remember the second deployment and all the emotions that went with that. And now my child is back home with me, well sort of. Lol, he's been spending a lot of time with his friends. I don't mind, he's earned that and I'm just elated he's back home.

I look at him sometimes and realize he's not the child that left his home 4 years 3 months ago. He's a man...ok with some childlike habits but he's a man now. More assertive and drove across country in a truck that I wouldn't want to drive. A big moving truck. He's thinking of his future and just plain thinking. He still has that sarcasm that I love about him. Well you have to have sarcasm in this family to survive. He has grown so much and has learned so much. I'm truly proud of him. Now I have to part with my deployment bracelet. It's a bracelet that I made from Italian charms that had his unit on it, name, the American Flag and some other items, but I never took it off while my son was deployed. Now I guess it's time to do this. I guess I wanted to wait and show my son that I never took it off.

Anyway, it is just weird how the day I longed for is here but while it didn't seem that long, it seemed to be forever. I'm just so grateful and thankful that my son has come back home. I feel bad for Cody Legg, Shane Duffy and JD Emard's family who won't have that feeling especially this Christmas. I pray for their comfort and peace that their loved ones are looking down at them telling them they are ok. I know this would be a terrible pain for me to bare if I were in their shoes. I thank God I do not have to know this pain. I pray for the other families whose sons and daughters are still deployed or going to deployed and could not spend this Christmas with the family. So I send Army Mom Hugs to all.

As this chapter closes another starts. While my son still has to complete the contract he signed with the Army, he will do so by way of the National Guard. That's fine as that's a little way into the future. Right now for the next few weeks, I have my son at home.

Merry Christmas all and I wish everyone a wonderful New Year!!!

Army Mom Out

Argh

2008-12-14T20:07:00.000-08:00

Ok, well tomorrow has now turned into Monday. I'm not too disappointed, this gives me a few extra days to clean and make room for my son's return. What started as a simple (cough, cough) job has turned into a clean 3 rooms, rearrange furniture and make a room out of what used to be storage. Hmmmm 7 years worth of stuff in a room and I have to find some place to put it. I've been working on it since Friday, and I still need more time. I don't even want to go to work so I can take care of this. That's not going to happen. Oh well, time for a gin and tonic and put the rest off for tomorrow. Been working all day so I get to relax and wait for The Unit to come on. I love that show.

Whooo Hoooo!

2008-12-12T17:18:00.000-08:00

So tomorrow my son starts the journey from New York to home. My baby is coming home......ok maybe not my baby but you moms know what I'm talking about. Now Mr. Proud Army Dad is happy but he's wondering how long he'll be staying....lol forever, I must protect my child, ok I know that's going a bit too far but I'm just happy to have him home. I know after a while, I'll be asking him so you're working where, and moving out when??? lol Honestly, I'd like him home long enough to make sure mentally he's ok. This last tour was not as clean and nice as the first and I suspect he may have nightmares on this one. I could be wrong and I sure hope I am. I'll be looking into PTSD so I can recognize the symptoms if they arise. But at the moment, I'm just happy to have him coming home.

Now he did mention he wanted to enlist in the National Guard to finish out the rest of his contract, which of course my husband and I smiled because that means he still gets to go to the PX, or should I say we still get to. Can't help it, love that place.

Update on the fires.

2008-11-19T20:18:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately two co-workers at my job lost their homes. Work is taking up a collection for the two to help them. My heart goes out to them. Especially to one of them, the last fire that went through that area forced her to evacuate, but we were relieved to know that her house survived. Not this time. Another house that my husband and I used to look at burned to the ground. The only remains is the fireplace. It was odd, the house was up for sale two years ago, but we couldn't afford it, loved it though, thought it was beautiful. Now there's nothing left.

The smell of burnt wood and smoke fills the air around here. Sad feeling in the air.

Yikes! Fires

2008-11-16T07:21:00.000-08:00

So I'm on my way to the airport to fly out to Tennessee and the freeway had a lot of stopped traffic. So I tell my husband lets take this route (a different one) and so we did. I could not miss my flight, it's a business trip. As we started down the new route the police have that blocked, so we double back and hit the freeway. What we didn't know is that taking this route put us in front of the road block and off we went. Apparently, the police forgot to block that part as well. This is our journey. I do apologize for the blurred pictures but I didn't have my normal camera and these were taken with a camera phone.

A first we were wow and how beautiful.

Shortly we realized we were about to drive right through the fire. The fire had jumped the freeway and we were surrounded. It was breathtaking. Then the burning embers were flying right past the windshield and we could feel the heat from the fire on the windshield. There was only a couple of other cars on the road with us and hazzard lights were turned on and we slowed to a 20 mph crawl. We couldn't see much more than 2 feet in front of us. You could smell the smoke and I became a little nervous. You could see new fires burning on the side of the freeway and I was hoping we weren't going to get stuck. The freeway was block from every route that could lead into this freeway.

We made it but wow. When I made it to Chicago, I watched the news and the fires are still out of control. I called my husband to see if he made it back home, he did but it took him 4.5 hours to get home, it would normally only take 1 hour. But all is well with him.

Things that make you smile...

2008-11-07T09:27:00.000-08:00

When you give birth to a child you wonder what will become of this child. It's almost impossible to picture them many years later as an adult. As we all know when raising a child there is no manual, it's a cross your fingers and hope for the best.

I feel sorry for the mothers of serial killers or molestors etc because no matter how horrific the crimes are they are still someone's son or daughter. I would feel horrible knowing the child I raised did something like that, but do you stop loving that child? I couldn't. Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning the actions, I just don't think I could stop loving my child.

Having said all of that, I thank God for giving me the child that I have. Is he perfect? No, but neither am I nor anyone I know...well there's one person I know, he used to be a carpenter but that's another story. Anyway, my son has made his mistakes and sometimes I did want to smack him into the next universe but isn't that what most teens make us want to do? I used to tell my husband, the reason why teens are allowed to live is because we mothers remember them as sweet, angelic little beings when they were younger. Now I look at my son and I think to myself, I did something right, he can be a knucklehead at times but he has a heart of gold. I personally wouldn't trade him for anything and would raise him all over again if I had to. The Army has been good for him, he's become a man, with a sense of duty, honor, respect, loyalty and responsibility where it matters the most. HOOAH!

Army Mom Out

The reality of it all

2008-11-06T21:26:00.000-08:00

I got a call from my son today. He wanted to let me know of his plans to travel to Texas. He should be there this weekend. He's going to visit the family of one of the fallen soldiers in his unit. He was close to JD and since he was unable to attend the funeral he wanted to pay his respects now that he is stateside. I wish I could be there for him as I know he'll need the support, but Emard's mom is a good woman and those two will need some time to grieve together. God willing, perhaps they will find some comfort and heal some. I know it's been hard on the whole unit, mothers of the unit, and to be expected particularly hard on the soldiers. I pray for Emard's family to help his mom find some comfort, she has to some extent by helping others but let us never forget the sacrifice she has made and her son. RIP JD.

Preparations...

2008-11-02T12:18:00.000-08:00

...in preparing for my son to come home I realize how much work needs to be done. When he left, a friend of my husband (and now my friend) moved in. We are not asking him to move out but I now need to make room for our son. Since I'm in a lazy mood, as well as nursing a hurt toe, (I tore my toenail the other day, ouch, below the cuticle line) and a bum knee things are not going as quickly as I would like.

Then I found out recently that I must fly to Tennessee mid-November for 4 days. I mentioned it to my son and his reply was, "can you come visit me?", drats how I wish I had the money to do this. However, my trip is business related and I won't be able to deviate from the itinerary. What I also learned is the flight from NY to TN is not exactly a quick trip. I'm horrible with geography but for some reason I thought it was closer.

So my husband and I are looking at a throw away party, which should be interesting to see who's stuff gets thrown away or who throws more stuff away. Just a lot of work but I can't wait until he's home.

I almost can not control myself!!

2008-10-25T14:13:00.000-07:00

MY SON IS BACK ON U.S. SOIL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't begin to tell you how happy I am that he's back in the states now. He called me when he made it to Germany and then again once he touched US soil. I'd been watching for posts and found his name on the manifest and that started the excitement. He called me just before I left for work and for the first time I actually didn't mind going to work, and went with a smile and a bounce in my step. Then the official notification from the Army that he indeed is back on base.

I must run but I wanted to get this post in. More to come....Army Mom Out

More pics - I'm bored...

2008-10-17T15:16:00.001-07:00

I think I've got water on the knee. My knee is swollen and feels tight. I'm off today and I'm bored but I can't really do anything because my knee hurts and I'm trying to stay off of it as much as possible. I'm hoping it'll get better over the weekend. I've already had the discussion with my husband that wives with leg problems are not the same as horses with leg problems...he says he wants to take me to the doctor tomorrow. I told him he can't put me down over a hurt knee, he says he just wants me to get it looked it. I've had my knee drained before so I'm not looking forward to this. So, since I'm bored, I'm posting more pics and two videos. I've always liked the take off on a plane so I shot video footage of that.

This is of my son and I looking at a tank on base. My son was showing my husband and I as this was our first time there.
This one, my son thought I should get a feel for how much "stuff" soldiers carry. My thought, if I lean over, I'm going over and I didn't even have all the "stuff" on.
Here's the take off.

Picture sharing that's all...

2008-10-16T13:37:00.000-07:00

...double click on the pictures to enlarge them.
This I never thought much of and thus really didn't know. K-9 Soldiers. I've heard of them in other wars way back when but I guess I'd forgotten.

Am I seeing this correctly? Weed wackers? WTH!!!

You're wearing what...and it gets how hot there? Most people don't even realize how heavy the gear is that these soldiers wear.

Oops. Hmmm.

Yes, that's snow. It does snow in Iraq.

Food for thought

2008-10-11T12:03:00.000-07:00

A little while ago I received a newsletter from my son's base. In this newsletter I get the updates of the ongoings on base and the deployed units. This last one focused on the ceremony that was held for the 3 fallen soldiers and their families. One of the now Gold Star Mothers wrote a letter specifically talking about how greatful she was of the outpouring of support she received. She did make one comment that I agree with whole heartedly. She expressed that she wished that she had known some of the mothers prior to the death of her son, because at the funeral it was discovered that some of these mothers whose sons were serving with her son only lived about 2 to 3 hours away. It would have been nice to have been in touch with these mothers all along. I agree, too bad the military couldn't have provided a list perhaps more specifically a sign-up sheet that would allow us mothers to join to know the whereabouts of other mothers. A way that we could volunteer to be allowed to be contacted by other mothers nearby. Our sons didn't have to know each other for the moms to form our own bond and support system. Yes, we do have the Blue Star Mothers but that usually only covers our local area. For me, I would have never have known her if it wasn't for the fact her son was KIA. The parents don't live on base and for many if not all, we don't even live in the same state as the duty station of our soldiers. We can't form the bonds that some of the spouses can for no other reason than location. Not to mention we aren't necessarily looked at as "Family" within the military. Most of the services offered are for families which really means, spouses and children of military personnel. This is no criticism, just an observation. I would have liked to have met this mother sooner and would have liked to have met more prior to this deployment.

On a lighter note, for the mothers I did meet, I loved it when we called one another to have messages passed on when our sons/daughters hadn't contacted us yet and another mother had been in contact. I told my son once, never underestimate the powers of a "Mother". Afterall, we do have a type of underground railroad system if given the right tools.

Army Mom Out

Such a remarkable lady! HOOAH!

2008-10-06T19:53:00.000-07:00

As I have posted previously, my son's unit took a big hit and lost 3 of its own. Before the deployment, I had the privilege to meet another mother from my son's "brat pack". My husband and I spent 4 days with this family and had a wonderful time. Unfortunately, this family we met with their soldier became a Gold Star Family. I still keep in touch with the mother and am amazed at her strength and service to others. When I talk to her she continues to inquire about my son and the others and send care packages. She talks with the other mothers who lost their son in the same battle and prays for all troops. She's concerned for her son's brothers-in-arms and their well being. I like talking with her, she's such an inspiration and she doesn't make me feel guilty that my son is still alive. She's been very candid about her feelings and the emotions she has gone through and continues to find a way to reach out to other Gold Star Mothers. The interesting thing was that she had the same fears as I did the first time I called her after the news of her son; what do I say, how do I comfort her. What I learned is that they need to hear from us, us Blue Star Moms. They need to know they are not forgotten, and still very much a part of us. The friendships they made while their child was alive are still there. I can only imagine the loneliness one must feel and I hope to never know this kind of pain. As Blue Star Mothers, we can't let these women down. We must still offer ourselves to them just as we did before. Through all of her heartache and pain, she still thinks of others. What a remarkable lady!! I hope to never lose her friendship either and her son will never be forgotten.

Let's face it ladies, we are all in this together. We military moms must stick together to help each other make it through the heartaches, the ups and downs, the deployments, and the boring times. Boring is good. We will always share a unique bond that most people never will. When our "children" enlisted, so did we as military moms.

Army Mom Out

Let the Countdown Begin

2008-10-05T20:32:00.000-07:00

How happy I am to write this. The countdown begins!!! Well it is more than 30 days but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, til my son comes back stateside. I'm so thrilled. I miss him soo much, it'll be nice to have him back on US soil. I just pray mentally he'll be ok. He's been through a lot this deployment and has grown in more ways than I can count. I won't be going to the homecoming because of where he'll be and where I'm at, my husband and I can't afford it. Not to mention we'll only get about 72 hours of advance notice which makes that tough too. The ceremony is only about 10 minutes but what he really wanted was a girl waiting for him when he gets back. Feel bad for him, but relationships while you're in the service is a tough one. It's really hard to establish a good relationship when you're not around to help cultivate it.

More to come later.

Army Mom Out

A neat thing happend on my way to a meeting

2008-09-07T19:16:00.000-07:00

So I'm on my way to the city, metropolitan city, for a meeting for work. I was getting off the freeway and waiting at the light and this truck goes past me honking his horn, hanging out the driver's side window and then gave me the thumbs up. I smiled and waived back when it clicked, he did this because I have an Army Mom license plate holder in my rear window. It made me smile to know that others out there support us. This was not the first time, actually one other time that I was aware of, a car full of people drove by, honked and also gave me the thumbs up.

Since then, I've received my son's unit license plate holder and I placed that on my car as well. I'm proud of his division, 10th Mountain, stationed out of Ft. Drum, NY.

It reminds me why I started this blog, to remind others that there are real people out there going through deployments and not just the soldiers. To help the other moms not feel so alone. When my son is no longer active duty, I'll still be on here. I think it's important to help as many people as possible with military life. I hope to have a message board soon, but that is still a little ways out, still some matters to work out.

Anyway, Keep the faith, you're not alone and there's more support than you may realize, some are just quieter than others.

Army Mom Out

From Baby to Soldier...

2008-07-30T17:15:00.000-07:00

June 4, 2008 May they RIP

2008-06-21T18:38:00.000-07:00

The past couple of weeks has been particullary hard. My son's Company lost 3 soldiers. Sgt. Cody Legg, Sgt. Shane Duffy and Spc. Emard while engaging insurgents in firearms and grenades. When I heard the news, my heart sank...I knew one of the fallen soldiers. Before they deployed, my husband and I flew out to see our son on base. There we were met by my son, Spc. Emard and shortly thereafter his family. We pretty much spent 4 days with them. Emard was a character. He seemed to like tuning up his mother with various things, I think just to get a rise. It was funny to watch but you could tell he loved his family. We also met his sister and niece. Cute baby and a nice mom. My son took to the niece. For most of the time he took care of the infant. That was interesting to see how interacted with the baby. He even volunteered to change her diapers and then telling everyone who was within earshot he just changed his first diaper. It wasn't even his child.

The one thing a parents dread more than anything else, is to have 2 uniform military personell show up at their doorstep. This is something every parents truly dreads; the notification that their son or daughter has been killed. It is my understanding that if they show up in dress uniform, the soldier is dead, if they show up in bdu's, then the soldier is seriously injured. Either way, no one wants them at their doorstep. When I got the news, all I kept thinking was how very sad I was for the families. Knowing that 3 families out there just had their whole life torn apart.

The wonderful thing about being a military parent is that if you are fortunate to establish contact with other parents in your child's unit you form bonds. I always laugh to myself of how strong the mothers' bond tend to be. For me, the bond has come from some of my son's friends. Some that I have met prior to deployment, some by phone, and some on a website for Proud Army Moms. Once we find another mom who has a son or daughter in the same unit and/or base, we kinda cling to each other. I have several mothers that I talk to either by email, personal pages or by phone. We help each other get through deployment. Sometimes we employ our soldiers to pass on information for us to another soldier for another mother. I have always told my son to never underestimate the power of mom.

When the news broke out, so did a lot of emails from mothers. "Is your son ok?", "how is your son?" and we all cried. We cried for the mothers who lost their sons, we cried for our soldiers and we cried for us. I've heard that funerals are for the survivors and death is harder on the survivors. The ones that are left behind are left with survivors' guilt, anger, sorrow and the feeling of being lost. Soldiers face PTSD, Combat Stress, Suvivors' Guilt and the grief you feel when you experience the loss of someone close. Everybody suffers and feels the loss. Parents also feel some guilt because while no one wants to wish losing a child on another, you silently pray and thank God it was not your child, and then you feel guilty again. This is normal and I think all parents of military personell goes through this. Now because it's someone you knew, you must now mustard up the courage to call the mother and tell her how sorry you are. This is real tough to do because about this time you realize, you could've been her and this was your child. We military moms must be strong so we make the call. We get off the phone and cry some more.

Attending the funeral is another tough one. You mourn for the family, you mourn for the fallen soldier and you mourn for yourself and your child. You think about what if this was your child. How would you handle this, could you be as brave as the other mother... You then stop yourself, because afterall, this day is not about you or your son, it's about the "other" mother, the one who is now receiving a folded US Flag. Taps begins to play and the gun salute.

I went home after the services and was completely exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I cried some more, I miss my son, I worry about him. I worry about his mental state after going through and seeing the things he's seen. I cried some more and I'm ready for him to come home, I miss him, I love him. I thank God he's still here.

Army Mom Out

Where'd you go?

2008-06-08T15:30:00.000-07:00

This video made me cry.
Produced by SPC L. Allen from 10th Mountain Division

Army Mom Out

Please Pray for Them...

2008-06-05T21:07:00.000-07:00

I don't know where to begin as my heart is breaking. June 4, 2008, my son's unit A Company was hit hard and lost 3 soldiers. Legg, Duffy and Emard. I personally knew Emard and his family and he will be sorely missed by his family, brothers in uniform and friends.

I spoke with Emard's mom and she is a wonderful woman. In spite of her loss, she shared concerns with me regarding his "brothers" in Iraq he left behind. She wanted me to let my son know they need to carry on with the work that they do and to no blame themself for his early departure. Wow, I'm not sure I could be so strong to think about others in this great time of sorrow. She told me she would also continue to pray for them all.

My son is having a difficult time with Emard's passing. There is a certain amount of blame he has for himself eventhough there wasn't anything he could do or the reality of it wasn't his fault. But these are the things that soldiers go through when they lose one of their own. Everyone in the military world feels the loss. The families, the friends, and the fellow soldiers. It's hard on other military mothers as well. It's a reminder to us all how short life can be and how dangerous these deployments are.

In some ways it makes me angry. Angry that there are people who haven't given this war a second thought, or who trash these troops who are fighting and dying on behalf of this country. Emard wasn't old, very young man, but old enough to make the ultimate sacrifice for his country. It also reminds me how it angers me to hear those who say, oh your son isn't in Baghdad, then he should be safe. Well tell Emard that, he wasn't in Baghdad and they came under serious gunfire and grenade attacks.

I'm fighting back the tears as I type this so I will close for now. I ask of you while you go about your day and you complain about the traffic, your day at work, your spouse, whatever, remember there are those fighting for you to keep the freedoms we all take for granted. Stop and say a prayer for the men and women fighting for you and the sacrifices they make and their families make.

The picture above is of Duffy and Emard, both KIA June 4, 2008. Not pictured is Legg also KIA, June 4, 2008.

RIP and God Bless.

Army Mom Out

Depression? Maybe, I'm exhausted.

2008-05-15T20:36:00.000-07:00

So I'm home from work and really wish I could pick the winning lottery numbers. I don't want to go back to work, I'm sick of them. I've never met so many people with so much drama in their life or who can't seem to function without it. I'm tired of dealing with people who think their whole life is coming to an end because they stubbed their toe. You wanna talk about problems? How about your son being in a foreign country where half of the people like you and the other half is trying to kill you. You never really know if this is your last day on this earth or not. Let me stop before I really get on that particular rant. I'm just tired and pissy.

Mother's Day was really nice. My son sent me flowers. It made me smile. I took the flowers to work so I could have a little sunshine. I put his card on my computer so I could read it often. It too makes me smile and then think of how much I love and miss him. He said that he tried calling me the day before but I missed his call. On Mother's Day he had to go on a mission so he couldn't call me. I got my flowers though, all was right with the world for that moment in time. I still pray for God to keep him safe and his unit safe as well. I pray that he will come home safe and sound, alive and well, with all body parts working and his sense of humor intact. I wish I could have given him a big hug.

Well, I need to take a nap, I'm just emotionally drained tonight.

Army Mom Out

I Miss My Son

2008-04-17T21:34:00.001-07:00

I haven't been myself lately and I couldn't put my finger on exactly why. Really, it could have been work, Lord knows I have my hands full with that, it could be the lost pregnancy, nah, didn't feel the same way. I did begin to think about how I feel like I have neglected my son a bit. That is the first tour, I was sending packages left and right, I was extremely active in the Blue Star Mothers and I couldn't wait for that next phone call from him. This time, I have given items to my roommate so he could send them out. In fact, he's been sending so much stuff out, you'd think it was his son.

Side note: it's not my roommates kid. I didn't know him 23 years ago.

Anyway, I still do look forward to his phone calls, but I'm not on MySpace as much. Then it hit me, I'm avoiding thinking too much about him. I had other mothers who wanted to keep in touch with me and I wanted to but then I found myself not wanting to only because it would make me face reality that my only son is back in Iraq in harms way. I didn't and still don't really want to think about it. I love him dearly and wish he was home safe. Then it really hit me, I'm really missing my son. This tour is going to be 15 months long. I still have many months left before he can come home. I just miss him so much. 15 months is a long time, especially when he no longer lives in the same state as you do. I miss his laugh, his sense of humor, his goofiness, and just him. I have found that my mind will wander to the not so pleasant side of "what ifs" and I try not to think of it. I miss holding him, giving him hugs and kisses and his face. I love the fact that his as grown up so much, but miss that I'm not able to watch him. I only get to visit his web site page and imagine what's going on. I do enjoy reading some of the posts from his friends. I feel a little bit closer to him. Every so often I'll get a friend request from one of his friends. But all in all, I'm just trying to survive each day without him.

Army Mom Out

Requesting your help

2008-03-28T12:45:00.000-07:00

If you have any ideas or topics you would like me to cover please feel free to let me know. I would especially like to hear from any airline reps who can tell me if their company offers true discounts for military personnel. I also would like to invite you to check out a website www.insupportoftroops.com and feel free to donate to the USO. If you would like to advertise, military related, on this site, please send me an email to karenproudarmymom@hotmail.com or post through here. This site will be updated and this is why its looking for advertisements now.

As for this site, I'll be posting again shortly.

Army Mom Out.

What a day

2008-03-20T22:35:00.000-07:00

So I'm at work, trying to get work done with a staff shortage. It's keeping my mind busy so I don't think about where my son is so much so that part is good. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, restless and then I get a phone call at 3:40 a.m. It's my son, he's doing well and wanted to borrow money. He tells me he's going to be taking a tour at a base he's visiting and wanted to buy a new camera to take pictures. I don't do mornings well, and to be awaken makes it that much harder. But we were talking and it's always good to hear from him, cough cough, regardless how early it is. I do enjoy it but I did find myself saying, don't you guys believe in doing stuff at umm 10:00 a.m. at least, does everything have to start so early? lol yep. He seems to be in good spirits and that makes me happy.

The really neat thing, I think, is that I met a lady during the course of my job whose son and daughter-in-law are in the military. The daughter-in-law was going to Iraq and the son elsewhere. After talking with the mother for a while and showing each other our pictures it turned out she lives near me. I had mentioned this to my son and after telling my son her son's name, my son told me they went to Jr. High School together. In fact, they sat next to each other in band. What a small world it is. So I now have a new Military Mom "sister" and we'll keep in touch. It's always nice to meet other military moms.

Oh, the picture, while my son was on leave, he decided to go skydiving for the first time. Apparently he's become an adrenaline junky. We jumped a second time and can't wait to go again. Oh, the joys of motherhood. Before he jumped, I got a call from him telling me he was getting ready to jump out of a plane. A perfectly good plane I might add. It's one thing to do it in the military, which isn't his MOS by the way, it's another thing to do it for sport. Yeah I know, but it's not my cup of tea.

Well I think I'm going to close this for now. I'll do my best to write more often.

Army Mom Out

I've been neglectfull

2008-03-19T22:38:00.000-07:00

I've noticed how I've neglected the site and some things in general. What surprises me is my reaction to my son's second deployment. I still pray of course and miss him but I've noticed that I'm trying to stay in a state of ignorant bliss. I have a friend who has been sending care packages for me and soon he'll be offering his services to the public, but I haven't packed many packages myself. I think deep down, but not that deep, I'm scared for my son. In some way I think I'm trying to pretend he's not over there.

He came home on leave a bit ago and when he left, I just cried. I miss him sooo much. This deployment is sooo different for me. I don't know if it's fear or just plain, I miss him. Odd for me, I just haven't stayed on top of things the way I used to. Now, I know some of you may say, well duh, you're depressed, sure there's some of that but this is still different.

Army Mom Out

How Proud Am I

2008-03-09T19:14:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a while since I've posted but my feelings haven't changed. In my personal life so much has been going on. I've found out that I was bearing a child and in the same breath I found out that I was losing a child. I have managed to mustered the ability to go on. For I am a military mom, and I am Army Strong as well as my Army Strong Son. I'm so proud of my soldier!! He came back on leave and it was a bitter sweet moment. It's not about the politics, it's about my son. Each time I see him he reminds me how much he's grown up and how much of a man he's become. I love my son and I support our troops. Once again, it's not about the politics it's about the human being that's gone to war. I pray every day that his sanity is spared and his well being and mortality is spared. God bless to those who serve.

Army Mom out.

YouTube Video

2008-01-13T21:41:00.000-08:00

Not much to say

2007-09-29T22:41:00.000-07:00

There's not much to say today. I haven't heard from my son in about 3 weeks and I'm bummed. I got spoiled on his last deployment; I heard from him at least once a week. I used to hear other moms say that it had been over a month and I was thankful I heard from my son more often. No such luck this time, however, I do know, that no news is good news. I pop in on his blog site from time to time to see if he's posted anything and to check his email as he asked. Sigh. I still haven't been able to bring myself to actually call some of the other moms yet. Not that I don't want to talk to them, but it's their first deployment and they are not handling it well. I know that's no excuse and I should call since I'm the veteran but I'm trying to get myself together and I'm afraid that if they start crying it will bring me more into reality than I care to be right now. I'll call them, but I'm just not ready for it yet. I miss him dearly.

The Soldier's Mother Creed

2007-09-12T19:44:00.000-07:00

"I am the mother of an American Soldier"

I give my complete and unwavering support to my soldier.
As my son serves the people of the United States, so I
humbly offer up my prayers for his safety and the safety
and health of those he serves beside.

I respect his choice to adhere to a strict moral code
and system of values that has preserved our great
country for over two centuries.
I accept that my soldier's first duty is to his country
and I understand that this sacrifice he willingly makes
is what keeps our nation great.

I will never expect anything but the best from my soldier
for I know he is capable. I know that a soldier's heart is
true and strong, and that my soldier will endure.

I will never abandon my soldier, my son, my love.
I will love him unconditionally. he will know I am
there for him, even when he is alone.

I am disciplined, emotionally and mentally tough,
learning to wait for phone calls and letters or
emails home. I, like my soldier, am an expert.

I stand ready to do what ever I can do to let my
son, my soldier, know that we are here for him
beside him, we love him and I will pray for swift
destruction of the enemies of our country.
I am the person who stood guardian of this man
who has become my soldier, now our guardian of
freedom and the American way of life.

"I AM THE MOTHER OF AN AMERICAN SOLDIER."

author unknown

A Tribute to Military Moms

2007-09-10T22:35:00.000-07:00

Humpf

2007-09-10T12:43:00.000-07:00

See I didn't want to be here at work. I don't want to sound or be bitter (which is a new one for me)about this deployment but to hear someone say, I'm having a stressful day with all this work was enough to make me want to scream. You wanna talk about stress? How about having your son or daughter in another country at war? A country that doesn't seem to value life the same way we do and your child may or may not come home alive. As I roll my eyes, yeah, I work with a lot of pansies. Now isn't that something, wasn't I the one earlier who said I'm able to cry at the drop of a dime? Perhaps they shouldn't allow children off to war when there mother is PMSing. lmao Funny, now that I've put it into print I feel much better now. So much for quiting smoking, I tried. Maybe I should send a letter to my son's commander explaining that my son being in a war is hard on my lungs. Ok, I know, now I'm just being plain silly.

My son is doing a very honorable thing along with his brothers and sisters in arms. I'm proud of the job he is doing and how much he has grown. Now if I can just get him to address me like he does the rest of the civilian world (yes maam, sir etc) yeah right, I only want him to call me mom or his newest title, mamas.

So I have this child who is able and does shoot a .50 cal and other assorted weaponry and by all means is a grown man. Yes, no matter how old he gets he is my child, and my baby. So anyway, we were taking the bus back to the airport (it's so much easier than trying to fight the traffic) and my son puts his head on my lap. Ok, so I thought to myself, "my baby still needs me". I know this sounds stupid, but I know there's another mother out there going, nope, I know what your talking about. It's that weird feeling of your kids not needing you anymore, kinda like you ran out of you usefullness. So it's these little things that tell you, you're still mom and are needed, loved and still wanted as a mom. The odd thing for me was that I actually started going through separation anxiety 6 months before my son turned 18. I couldn't believe it, then he turned 18 and I was thinking what am I going to do. When the word came down that he was accepted by the Army, I was kind of lost. Keep in mind, I raised an independent son and considered myself hard headed and independent but by no means one of those clingy moms but here I was thinking my baby is leaving? I wanted my son to be able to stand on his own two feet, for the summer I use to send him to Oregon to visit the grandparents on their ranch. But that'll be for another story later.

Proud Army Mom...out

The Rollercoaster Ride Begins

2007-09-09T21:29:00.000-07:00

It's taken me a bit to post again as my son has officially deployed. Crying is an easy thing now for me and I fight to keep the ill thoughts at bay. I try to remember that I must always think positive. I heard from my son briefly and he seems to be doing well. He told me to stay strong. I will do my best. I now must remember to not watch the news and to also remember no news is good news. I've been in touch with the FRG (Family Readiness Group) which act as a liaison between the families and the soldiers. It warms my heart to have them. I know some parents complain that they didn't hear from them much, but I know for me this wasn't the case. My son's first deployment they called and kept me in touch and I'm confident this will be no different. My husband keeps reasuring me all will be well, but I know he is worried too.

What has also helped me is meeting, even if by telephone, other mothers in my son's unit or Battallion. It's nice to have others to talk to that truly understand what you are going through. I also belong to my city's Blue Star Mothers' group. They've also helped in the past. Do I want to go to work tomorrow, nope, but it is best, it'll keep me busy and hopefully keep my mind off of things.

Today I saw my friend's pictures of her baby, now 3, and I thought about my son. How much he has grown up and how no matter how hard it was being a single parent back then, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love my son sooo much and he has brought a lot of joy to my life. And now I share him with my husband. How he has taught my husband a lot as well. Funny how kids do that. He's brought a lot of joy to both of us and I look forward to our son bringing many more years of joy to us.

God give me strength

2007-08-31T20:41:00.000-07:00

His deployment date is closer than ever and it takes nothing now to get me crying. How I miss him, how proud of him I am, how I love my son. I can't protect him now so I give this job to God. Please protect my son as I can only protect him through you. I'm scared, I miss him, I want him to return to me safe and sound, with all body parts, alive and well with his mind intack and his sense of humor and spirit as well.

I wish I could hold him and fight his battle for him, for I am his mom. I know I can't and he's a grown man doing an honorable duty, but I am his mom. I love him, for I am his mom.

I'm back...

2007-08-28T15:52:00.000-07:00

and had a wonderful time with my son. I had a chance to meet some of his buddies and see the barracks both new and old. He is scheduled to fly out soon but he seems to be in good spirits. A little stressed but doing well. Don't get me wrong, he's not happy about going, I don't think anyone is but he has a job to do and is ready to do the job at hand.

I have always enjoyed visiting the various bases as they're all different. Some are older than others and are quite interesting. Most have some type of display and the barracks are interesting to see, the old and the new. It has always impressed me how bases are like a city within a city, pretty much self contained. My son seemed to take some enjoyment of showing us around. The town he's in, well, not condusive to young adults but perhaps it keeps them out of trouble. lol

We did our best not to cry when we said our good-byes but gave each other a big hug. He asked me if I was crying after he said stop, I told him, I won't until he's gone. This good-bye was easier being that we weren't at the airport. For some reason, it just didn't seem as bad. Are eyes were watery but we were good. He said I'll see you soon, well some months down the road. He's hoping he won't have to take leave so soon after deployment but he doesn't have much of a say in that. Last deployment, he was only there for about 2.5 months before he had to take leave. That sucked because when he went back, he had 10 months left. So hopefully this time since he has a higher rank and one tour under his belt he'll have more say in it this time. We'll just have to wait and see.

Proud Army Mom Out
Hooah!

This sucks!!!!

2007-08-21T21:16:00.000-07:00

This sucks!!!!!!! I'm sooo looking forward to see my son but dread the fact that when we do he'll be deploying shortly there after. You know you have a child and all you want to do is to raise and protect him/her. I'm so proud of him for serving his country but damn, I can't protect him overseas. Not like I could protect him so far away normally but at least ied's and bullet weren't wizzing towards him. I wish I could shake this fear and worry. This is supposed to be easier on me, I've been through one deployment but I'm more scared this time than before. God please protect my only child, I love him dearly and want him to come home safely and sound alive and well.

It's getting closer

2007-08-19T17:07:00.000-07:00

Well in a few days I'll be off to see my son before deployment. I look forward to seeing where he sleeps, his base, his friends and the surrounding area. Just like to see the part of his life that is so far from home.

How I'm going to miss him. He seems in good spirits, he got a chance to go to New York City which is something he had been wanting to do. He's been there before (sort of) but it really doesn't count when you're there for a flight layover for a couple of hours. I can't wait to see the pictures, assuming he took some.

I'm starting to pack to be ready. Trying to pack lightly but I still need my computer, camera etc. Oh well, it'll be fun, I just don't want to have to check luggage in if I don't have to.

Something I did find odd even for me, I'm actually enjoying the show Army Wives. Interesting, I always wanted to live on a base, but my father was out of the service by the time I was around. I just think bases are really cool. Some are old and the building reflect the time period (for some) and it's just neat. I did a USO show at Camp Roberts once, that was pretty cool too. To think that I'm singing on the same stage that Bob Hope once performed on.

Well back to packing for me.

Mother's Anthem

2007-08-12T17:00:00.000-07:00

If every single Soldier took his Mother off to war...
It would be the quickest battle that was ever fought before...
The kindest, sweetest Mother would turn into something wild
should any sort of danger pose a threat to her dear child...
There's something in a Mother that kicks in when baby's born
that tells her to protect them and keep them safe from harm....
The female of the species is the fiercest so they say...
So take the Mothers with you
you'll be home within the day....

( Christina January 1995)

I got a kick out of that one.

The Countdown Starts

2007-08-12T16:02:00.000-07:00

Well the countdown has started. I won't say how many days until but it is less than 30. Our journey to see him will be bittersweet. For I know it will end too soon for me but I can't wait to see him. I have not been to this particular base but I've always enjoyed the bases. I look forward to seeing this one.

My son still seems pretty upbeat the few times I've spoken to him over the past week. I'm really looking forward to seeing how he lives out there. I wish he was stationed closer to home but then at least he's stateside. I feel for the mothers whose child is in another country. That's tough for visiting.

This past week I had a mother (non-military mom) telling me how she told her son that he was dead to her. What did he do that warranted that? Be a teenager. Nothing out of the mainstream norm of being a teen. I think the kid is 18 or 19. Definitely old enough to follow rules, but to have your mother tell you you're dead to her. I thought that was pretty harsh. The punishment didn't fit the crime. I'm not one to tell someone how to raise his/her child. I made my own mistakes, but I did make sure my son always knew how much I loved him, no matter what. I had my fair share of screaming and even threw some things and slammed a few doors, but my son alway knew I loved him. It really bothered me to hear this, I just wanted to smack her and say this is you own damn fault and quit trying to be such a control freak. If he can't follow the rules, throw his butt out, but you don't tell your child he/she is dead to you just because he/she doesn't spend money the way you would or is a lazy bum, or can't pay back money you seem to keep loaning to him in spite of the track record. My son is about to go off to war and God willing will return to me safe and sound and alive. Here, because she's trying to make a cat into a dog is mentally jacking up her child. I've never told my son he was a loser, I may have said I was disappointed in him but never a loser. Children if told enough, will become what you say they will. He's a teen for crying out loud, how many teens are good with money? Not many.

Ok off my soapbox. I'm waiting for my extra memory card for my camera to come in the mail. I plan on taking a ton of pictures and video. I've got the iPod for the flight, got the room booked already (thanks son, since mom forgot about that) and all we have to do now is get the rental car. Once I get paid, I need to grab a few bucks...afterall, there's a PX awaiting me. lol I love PXs. I can add more to my "shrine" at work and at home of military stuff. New deployment means new stuff. Bless my husband's heart, he just steps back. I guess there's no sense in arguing this one. He knows when to pick his battles, and fighting with mom on military son matters, he'll lose. lol Honestly, I'm not over the top, too much. Can't help it, I'm just a proud army mom.

Sgt. Underhill, May God Bless You

2007-08-04T15:27:00.000-07:00

My God bless the family of Sgt. G. Underhill as he has been called home. My prayers and thoughts are with the family, friends and brethern soldiers of his base. I know they speak highly of him. My heart breaks for them. God Bless them all.

Signing off,
K. Proud Mother of an American Soldier
Hooah!

Time is drawing near

2007-08-03T14:47:00.000-07:00

Wow, "bad military day", I haven't had one of these things in a while. So I'm locked up in my office with the blinds drawn closed, a note is written on my dry erase board that hangs on my closed door. The note reads, "Gone to lunch...". I have my newly purchased ipod playing with my headphones on. Then a song comes on, "God Give Me Strength". I like that song by Bette Midler, it may not be my scenario, but I start to think about my son going off to war again. I start watching an old commercial that I love from Budweiser of the soldier getting off the airplane and coming through the airport and everyone in the airport stands up and applauds as the soldiers walk through. At the end, the words "Thank you" are shown. How that gives me chills, so I saved it. I'm still listening to Bette and start thinking about how close my son is to redeploying again. sigh I try to fight the tears. Afterall, the last thing I need is to have my office see me cry. On my wall I have my son's battallion's calendar. August happens to be my birth month and it also happens to be the month my son's Company is showing. My son's picture is on it. I cry. Then I hear the words, "God Give Me Strength", and I think "please, I think I'm going to need it this deployment". I really thought the second would be much easier, I think it's harder. I've been doing my best not to really think about his deployment, but I know down inside, the time is being watched and felt. I still remember how I felt when I got the phone call from his base saying that his plane had landed on base, he had truly returned. I cried in the aisle of Vons. lol The grocery checkout clerk, asked what was wrong and I told her, she gave me a hug and said congratulations.

I am the mother of an American Soldier

2007-07-22T16:02:00.000-07:00

I don't know who wrote this but it sums it up quite well. Kuddos to whomever wrote it!

You see me every day going about life as usual - or so it appears. I
rub shoulders with you at work. I shop at Wal-Mart and the grocery store.
I fill my car at the corner gas station. You might see me anywhere.
Don't be deceived: My life has not been "normal" for months. I am the
mother of an American soldier.

Although I continue the routines of life, I do so with a burdened
heart and distracted mind. There are some tell-tale signs of who I
am.

I'm the one with the frayed yellow ribbon pinned on my clothing. It
was fresh and new when my son first deployed months ago. Even though
the war is supposedly over, my son is in a place where bullets and
grenades are still killing our soldiers. I am determined to wear my
ribbon until he comes home, because it reminds me to pray for him
every minute. When you see me wearing that ribbon, please stop and
whisper a prayer for him and all the others still there.

My house is the one with the faded yellow ribbons on the tree in the
yard and one on the mail post. There is an American flag on a pole
attached to the front porch, and a small red-and-white banner with a
blue star in the middle in my window. When my son gave this to me
before he left, I told him that I never wanted to cover the blue star
with a gold one. Gold Star Mothers are the ones whose sons come home
in body bags.

When you drive by a house of this description, please pray for the
son or daughter overseas and for the parents waiting inside for their
child to come home.

To those of you who have posted yellow ribbons at your house or in
the windows of your schools, thank you. It warms my heart every time
I see your expressions of support for our troops.

One of the hardest things about being the mother of an American
soldier is living 1,500 miles (how bout 2600 miles!) away from the
post of my son's unit. Wives usually live on or near the fort, where
they can glean support from others in the same situation. But a
mother may live across the nation, so she feels totally alone.

Letters rarely make their way home, and if they do, it is weeks after
they were written. We go more than a month without hearing anything;
then we might get a short phone call. E-mail is out of the question
most of the time.

Every week is like a rollercoaster ride that I want to get off. When
I read a soldier has been killed and his name has not been released
pending notification of kin, restlessness, depression and insomnia
rule my life until 24 hours have passed and the men in dress uniforms
have not appeared at my door. I pray constantly they will never come.

When you hold your baby close, remember we mothers of American
soldiers held our babies, too. Now our "babies" are putting
themselves in harm's way for your babies.

And if you see a woman at the store buying tuna and crackers, beef
jerky, powdered Gatorade, baby wipes and potted meat, check to see if
she is wearing a yellow ribbon. If so, stop and pray for her. She is
probably the mother of an American soldier, getting ready to send her
child another "care package." You may see tears in her eyes or dark circles under them.

I am there among you, trying to carry on some semblance of a normal
life. Like so many others, I am the mother of an American soldier.

Quick and not necessarily a legit rant

2007-07-17T22:33:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, have you ever noticed that no matter how old your "child" is they still want or need money from you? I can't b*^ch too much, I did the same. Love him dearly, but "mom, I need some money". lol Yeah, but you know what? When he gets to Iraq, you think I'll care, nope, cause in the big grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter.

Keep good thoughts

2007-07-15T17:28:00.000-07:00

As deployment draws near I find my thoughts drifting to where it shouldn't be. Not to long ago, a fellow Blue Star Mother became a Gold Star Mother. Not a position anyone wants. As a Blue Star Mother, you are a member of a national organization that supports the troops and each other as we all have children in the military. As a Gold Star Mother, you are a member of a national organization that has a child in the military that gave his or her life for this country. This mother was saying how much she appreciated all the support she has received. She buried her son the other day. I can only imagine the pain and utter dispair she must feel, as I would be completely lost.

The other morning I could hear the local clubhouse hosting the annual Championship Swimmeet. I too once had participated in, many years ago and so did my son. I could hear the announcer, the starting gun, the "swimmers up, take your marks, bang" and it brought back memories. Memories of me as a child, memories of my son in similar situations and present day. He's not my little baby anymore. He's a grown man. lol He's still my baby. I still remember changing his diapers, soothing a skinned knee, comforting his tears and picking him up from the hospital after he wiped out going down a steep hill on rollerblades. I remember him telling me with tears streamming down his face, "I love you mom" and "this is weird, this may be the last time I see you again" as I said goodbye to him as he boarded the plane back to base to deploy, the first time.

From the time my son was born I have always taken the stand, that no matter what, how old or young you are, it is the mother's responsibility to protect and take care of her children. Not saying that the husband isn't but when a mother carries a child, gives birth and raises, it's her duty to protect and care for her young. That's why you always hear, don't stand between a mother and her young in the animal world, mothers will kill to protect their young. Well the same goes for the human species. So just because the child is now considered a legal adult (and it doesn't matter if he or she is 40) that maternal instinct does not go away. Now I'm not the type of mom who mothers her child, but if he needs me I'm there. If I feel this is something he should handle as a man, I tell him so. I also feel it's my job to raise him to be a productive member of society and to be able to stand on his own two feet. I'll help him out if I can, but even birds push the young out of the nest to teach them to fly on their own.

I joined a group called the Patriot Guard Riders. If you have never heard of this group, it's a group of motorcycle riders, however, anyone can join, that support fallen soldiers and shield the families from protesters that do not have the families in their best interest. I have a motorcycle but have not attended any funerals, too close to home. They do make other appearances not funeral related but I have passed on attending. I can barely stand to hear of troops dying and don't think I could handle going to a funeral and seeing the family without thinking of my son.

I think my son and I have had a typical relationship growing up. When my son was a tot, I was everything to him. As he became a teen, I was merely an atm machine and a source of embarrassment to him. As he enlisted, I became a source of information and support. We are very close and we have been through hell and highwater together. I love him dearly and miss him. I just have to remember to think positive. No bad thoughts, no thinking about his funeral and the notification or even what would I do if I got a call he got injured. I have to remember to think positive. Damn, he hasn't even left yet and I'm already having these thoughts. I'm proud of my soldier, but I'm scared too.

Thinking outloud

2007-07-10T21:42:00.000-07:00

So I'm driving down the street and I was thinking about my son deploying again and some of the comments some have said to me. Such as, why does your son have to go back, didn't he already do a year tour. All I can say is yes and because his boss is sending them back. I have to agree, back in the day, if you served a tour you were done, not nowadays.

I wish my son didn't have to go back, but it is his job. He is a Soldier. I have many mixed emotions about him being in the Service. I mean, I think it's done him a lot of good, he's grown up a lot and in a short amount of time. He's more responsible, he has a better self worth and has a great appreciation for home, lol. I miss him, and I love him. The things he's learned are invaluable. He's turned into a fine young man, I just wish we weren't at war.

Side note: I know this may not be the most impressive reading but it'll get better once he deploys. Until then, you get the ramblings of an ADD mother. lol

So what do I do to help get me through this? I find Army stuff to build my "shrine". I have bears, figurines, lapel pins whatever I can find that moves me. I can't explain it but it just makes me feel closer to him. We are close but it helps me stay sane. Afterall, the last thing he needs is to worry about me when he needs to focus on the mission at hand. I encourage him to be open with me and sometimes he tells me more than a mother really wants to hear, but if it makes him feel better, then I'm ok with it. I have to tell ya though, it sure puts a lot of things into perspective. Don't sweat the small stuff, it's not worth it. And I let him know how much he is loved. It's really neat to see friends and family and perfect strangers lend an encouraging comment and support. He needs to hear it and so do I. I have the upmost respect for our men and women of the Armed Forces. It doesn't matter what my political views are, because no matter what they may or may not be, he'll still be deployed. I will support my son, my soldier my hero.

Until next time...from a Proud Army Mom HOOAH!

July 4, 2007

2007-07-06T20:00:00.000-07:00

Well, saw fireworks! lol I forgot to ask my son if he had a chance to see some. When I spoke to him tonight all we talked about was his 12-mile march. He had to do it in 3 hours, the first time he missed the target by 22 mins, this time he got it with 10 mins to spare. Better him than me, they would have to scrape me off the pavement.
Right now he is making preparations for our arrival. That is, he's trying to plan his social life around our arrival. It's funny, he has grown up so much since enlisting, but there's still a boyish charm about him. That's ok, that makes him, him. Besides, I'll savor every moment that I have with him. My husband teases me about the "shrine" I have in my office of my son. Ok, it's a little extensive, make no mistake about it, by the looks, you know someone close to me is in the military. I took most of it down, now. I've decided for this second tour I'll add new items and pictures to it. I found a cute little figurine the other day, I'm trying to find out if they make one for soldiers. So far, I've only been able to find one for Marines. It has crystal looking hands around a Marine with the written words, "Lord, bless this Marine..." I can't explain why these little things give me comfort, because I know it's just an item, but they do. sigh I'm missing him already.

Anyway, there's not alot to report at the moment, just this picture of the fireworks I watched from a boat. I enjoyed myself and I was surprised to be able to get this picture from a camera phone. I don't need no stinkin' expensive camera setup, lol. Timing was hard but I got the picture.

Til next time...

The introduction

2007-07-01T20:12:00.000-07:00

I've decided for those who care to take this journey with me, to give you a look of what it's like to be a military mom. No disrespect to the military wives but the perspectives are different. Not insinuating better or worse, just different.

Today is July 1, 2007 and my son has received his official orders of deployment. This will be his second tour to Iraq. His first tour was 12 months, this next tour will be longer.

My son is in the 1-87th 10th Mountain, light infantry, he's 21 years old and about to take another journey to Iraq; and this will be my story.

My name is Karen and my soldier is my only son. I was a single parent for 15 years before marrying a wonderful man willing to take on a woman with a teenage son. God bless him. I remember the first deployment and being such a newbie to it all. I have a friend whose son was a Marine. She gave me pointers, don't watch the news, remember no news is good news and keep yourself busy. I fought day in and day out to keep my fears and worries in check. I drove down a street and burst into tears when I saw numerous Blue Star Banners aligning the middle of the street with the names of the servicemen and women serving from that city. Trying to remember to think positive. How those days seem like yesterday, but yet it was a year ago; and now I'm about to go down this road again. Sigh, I don't want to but I will for my son, in support of him.

Over the years I've met some military moms, nice to know I'm not the only one going through this, but there a lot of those out there that have no idea. Sometimes I want to yell, "don't tell me he's going to be alright, you don't know that!" But I must be strong and then there are times I'll just cry. I worry about my soldier, I miss him and love him dearly. I'll be seeing him shortly before he deploys. I look forward to seeing his smiling face. I'll be praying for him.

That's all for now.